


Unfixable

by The_Alice_Killer



Series: One-Shots [1]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, Child Abuse, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, References to Depression, Suicide, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 13:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18575329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Alice_Killer/pseuds/The_Alice_Killer
Summary: A sad one-shot. Trigger warnings are also in chapter.





	Unfixable

 

TW: Suicide, self harm, depression, abuse, other death

Umi's POV:

"YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT!"

I gulped as I stared at my mom. I had just come home from school. And as usual, she was drunk as hell. And, of course, when she was drunk she'd always abuse me. She didn't even bother with her reasoning, not that she could in her drunken mind. Normally by this hour, she'd have had almost ten bottles of any alcohol in her system. It amazes me how she isn't even affected by it.

Dad couldn't care less about what she does to me. He just pretends not to notice. He never stands up for me. He just doesn't care about anyone but himself.

I was drawn back to reality as I was slapped hard across my face. I yelped and quickly tried to shield my face from any more blows. But, I should know better by now. Trying to defend myself makes everything worse.

"HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!" Mom screeched as she grabbed my arms and harshly yanked them down, causing me to yelp in pain. One of these days she's gonna dislocate them doing that.

"I-I'm sorry... please... please don't hurt me..." I hated it. How pathetic I sounded. I couldn't stand up for myself.

Mom didn't care about my pleading. She grabbed me even tighter by my hands and threw me to the ground. I curled into a ball and tried to cover my head as best as I could. Tears started streaming down my face as she kicked me everywhere she could.

"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET! YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A DAUGHTER!" Mom laughed as she continued to kick me.

She hit my arms that were shielding my head. I yelped, but tried to keep them still. She did it as hard as she could, causing me to jolt and uncover my head. She quickly kicked me again, knocking me out.

...

I woke hours later still on the floor. I winced as I sat up. I brought a hand to my pounding head. I looked down and saw blood. Normal. It always ended in blood anymore.

I slowly stood up and looked around. It was around five in the morning. I should probably get cleaned up.

I hobbled to the bathroom and started the shower. I went to my room and grabbed some fresh clothes to wear. I went back to the bathroom and locked the door. I pushed the clothes hamper in front of the door. It wouldn't provide a lot of protection, but just a bit more.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The bruises on my face were ever so prominent. I always had to layer on makeup to hide them at school. The last thing I needed was someone trying to help. I know if the cops tried to help, mom would kill me before they could. That was a promise she made when I threatened to call them before. I don't doubt she could, and would, do it.

I slowly stripped my clothing off and tossed it aside. I stared at my stomach. It was the place that definitely looked the worst. But, not because of mom. I would often take anything sharp and cut across my stomach. No one would see unless they got my shirt off. And I was careful to never do that in front of anyone.

I grabbed a knife I had hidden in here just in case it came to having to kill someone. I took it and examined the crusted blood on it. I forgot to clean it off last time. I brought it to my stomach and made five slashes. They weren't too deep, but deep enough to cause some bleeding.

I quickly stepped in the shower and rinsed off the dried blood from the attack last night. The fresh blood flowed down as well. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on listening for any movement from outside the room. After I was certain that I was the only one up, I relaxed a little as I started to clean myself up.

I hate my life. I wish I'd never been born almost every day. I don't care about everyone I met. It doesn't compare to the suffering I've had to endure. It all started when my sister moved away. Mom decided my life wasn't going to go the way she wanted it to and started harassing me. Then the drinking started.

It was one day in the afternoon when she got a phone call. Apparently my sister was very sick. Two days later, another call came in to say that she had passed. Dad just shut off his emotions and was just existing. Mom was so distraught that she turned to drinking to sooth the pain.

And I was the other solution. She decided it was all my fault. I somehow caused my sister to die when she was thousands of miles away. I don't get her reasoning, but she truly believes it.

I soon stepped out of the shower and dried off. I quickly dressed and headed to my room. I locked the door and pushed my dresser in front of it. I won't ever leave any door unblocked in the house after what happened one time.

I was just getting into bed for the night when mom came through the door, still drunk as always. She grabbed me and slammed me against a wall as hard as she could. She started strangling me. I thought I was going to die, which I honestly wouldn't have minded. But, she stopped and said she couldn't kill me because she'd lose her toy.

I wish she'd just end me already. I just want it to stop. I don't understand what went wrong. I wish I did. I really wish I did.

Right as I was going to lay down, my alarm buzzed, telling me it was time to get ready for school. I gulped as I heard mom get up. Even the moments where she wasn't entirely drunk weren't that pleasing either. She still hated me.

I sighed and slowly unblocked my door. I crept out into the hallway and down to the living room. Mom was sitting there watching TV. I gulped as I tried to slide past her.

"Why don't you go kill yourself already? I don't ever wanna see your face again." Mom growled as she turned to glare at me.

"W-what?" I stammered out, unsure if I had heard her right.

"Go kill yourself. I never want to see your face again!" Mom shouted at me.

I ran back to my room as my tears started to fall again. I collapsed to the ground and started sobbing. What did I do to deserve this? Why did I get stuck with such a horrible life?

After a few minutes I calmed myself down and stood up. Without hesitation I walked to my desk and pulled out my diary. I set it down in plain sight. Then I grabbed a piece of paper and started writing. Tears started streaming down my face as I wrote. I used the entire page and even some of the back before I was finished.

I left it on top of my diary. As I was leaving my room, I turned around and grabbed it. I shoved it in my pocket and walked away. I left my door open.

"I'm leaving." I stated flatly as I exited the house.

I didn't get a reply. I wasn't sure whether I should feel relief or not.

I walked slowly down the street, eyeing everyone to make sure I didn't recognize them. If someone I knew saw me, they'd get worried. I was supposed to be heading to school. I wasn't dressed and looked a mess.

I kept walking until I made it to my destination. The woods. I entered them swiftly, wanting to hide from the people walking by. I started following the hiking trail. It was a long walk.

I stopped multiple times as I burst out in tears. My emotions were all over the place. My body and mind didn't know what to do. After I collected myself, I would continue walking up the trail.

Soon I reached the end. I stood at the top of the mountain and gazed down it. There was a highway below. It was pretty busy today. I smiled slightly as I kept staring down.

After a few minutes, I took a deep breath and backed away. I paused right before I hit a tree.

"Such a shame that a beautiful day will be ruined for some people." I whispered to myself.

"But, not every day can be a good one. I know that better than they probably do." I chuckled.

I took a few deep breaths again, "Well, I guess it's time."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone I will hurt. But, this is my fate..." I whispered quietly.

Without any hesitation, I ran forward and allowed myself to fall down the mountain. I stared at the cliff side I was close to as I went down. And before I knew it, it was over. I was finally free.

...

3rd Person POV:

"Dear who finds me,

I, Umi Sonoda, purposely threw myself off the mountain. I willingly died. But, I did this because of my mother. She abused me every day of my life. She told me to do this, so i listened. I'd rather die on my own terms than on her terms.

To my friends,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what was going on. If you tried to help, she would've killed me and possibly hurt you.

Please don't be too sad. I wasn't worth anything, even your tears. Please keep going on and just leave me in the past. I'm not worth remembering. I never did enough for you guys.

To my family,

It's all your fault. I hate you. I hope I never see you again."

The remaining members of μ's went silent as the note was read. Not one of them was okay. Everyone was crying and sobbing. This was something that would take years to get passed. They never imagined that would happen to them. And now that it did, they were completely broken.

...

"Dear Umi,

I hope you will somehow get this message.

μ's is nothing without you. We've disbanded. None of us can go on without you by our side. You meant the world to us, you know.

From, μ's

Umi, everything in your note wasnt true. You mean so much more than you think. You were worth so much. It's not the same without you. I miss you a lot. But, I hope you feel happy wherever you are now.

From, Honoka

Umi, I can't believe it would be you who'd end up suffering like that. It's not fair. You didn't deserve it. You should be standing with us. You should be here and helping us. But, we can't change what happened. I'm sorry we failed you.

From, Kotori

Umi, you were such an amazing and bright girl. I still can't believe that fate would strip you of that. I wish we could've helped you. I wish you were still here with us. It won't ever feel alright now that you're not here.

From, Rin

Umi, I hope you didn't suffer in your death. I hope you went fast and painlessly. I can't begin to imagine the pain you went through. I've seen it, but I never experienced it. I'm sorry there wasn't anything we did for you. I'm sorry we didn't notice until it was too late.

From, Maki.

Umi, I really am going to miss you. You were so nice to me. Sure, you were aggressive at times, but you never were that bad. I miss having you around to talk to. It was a wonderful thing. I now realize how much we took it for granted.

From, Hanayo

Umi, I won't stand around and wish you were here. I know that won't happen. But, I don't think I can ever forget about you. I don't think any of us can. You're our friend. Even if you aren't here with us physically, I'm sure you'll be with us in our hearts forever. I hope to see you again some day. But, that won't be for hopefully a long time. I hope you don't get lonely wherever you are.

From, Eli

Umi, I can't even express what it is I want to say. Words cannot describe it. But, I want you to know that you were an amazing person. I'm honored I got to meet you. I wish we could've been together longer, but I guess waiting for a while won't hurt. You better be there when we get there too!

From, Nico

Umi, I hope you are happy. I hope you aren't suffering anymore. I really hope you are somewhere out there. I do believe there is an afterlife, so I'm sure you are. I wish you would've talked to us. We could've figured out something. I hope you were joking in your note. You are worth so much. Your life was worth more than anything else in this world. I'm sad that it's gone now.

From, Nozomi

We hope you know how much we all miss you. You will forever be in our hearts. I hope you don't mind if we use your story to help others in similar situations. We made a group to help abused children so that hopefully no one has to suffer like we did.

We bet you'll be glad to know your dad is in jail. Your mom is dead. She drank herself to it. We hope she isn't anywhere where you are.

Love, μ's"

Honoka set the paper down on the coffin before stepping back and allowing it to be buried. The eight girls hugged each other tightly as the sobbed and sobbed.

**The End**


End file.
